5 Steps to help you overcome your insecurities after being cheated on.

Wonita Christine says: Ladies it’s time to activate your inner goddess and let her shine through. I know your situation sucks but you will rise above it I promise.

For those who love to indulge in reality television our addiction to drama and fighting is somewhat disturbing. For those who don’t watch reality television, the typical scenario consists of a beautiful woman who gets cheated on by a dickface guy  with no morals that controls the relationship with his manipulative thinking and money. Us viewers start to sympathise with the beautiful  woman, untill she gets back together with him and fights the other woman. We laugh in an awkward shock whilst we tweet in disappointment. By the next season the man has a huge ego and a new woman on his arm and the cycle repeats. We honestly never think it will happen to us, untill it does.

I’ve decided to create 5 steps to help us overcome the rath of insecurity that we feel after a guy who we loved broke our trust, our heart and our relationship.

 

Step 1: BLAME HIM!!!

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Remember ladies it is all his fault.

There are many factors that may have led him to being unfaithful. Some reasons may include constant arguing,  a financial change, lack of intimacy, a loss of an emotional connection between you both. Regardless of the reasons, as a participant in your relationship it is his job to express what he feels is lacking in your relationship. He decided to take that step to actively entertain other women. So BLAME HIM!

Ladies you cannot keep blaming yourself. If your sister took money from your purse, even after you expressed that you don’t have enough money to give her. Would you start to blame yourself ? Would you question whether you’re a good sister or not ??  NO you wouldn’t, you would blame her and consequences would follow.

Many of you may think that you can’t compare the two but the principles are the same. The principles are trust, loyalty and respect. Once these are broken by the individual it is their fault.

Acknowledging that it’s not your fault will help you become a stronger person. Especially when he tries to manipulate you into thinking that it was the lack of sex in your relationship that forced him to pull out his small smelly dick out.

 

Step 2: Movie & Snacks Night with the girls!!

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You should never feel ashamed of getting your heart-broken. Unless you got married on national television, spending 10 million dollars on an extravagant wedding for your relationship to only last 72 days. *Sips Tea*  Dont feel discouraged by the fact that your friends warned you about his suspicious ways and you never believed them. I  promise you, a true friend will not say “I told you so” unless you get back together with him and he does it again and again and by that point your friends will be fed up of the constant emotional rollercoaster you keep dragging them on. At this point of your break up your friends are more concerned with  your well-being, mental state and keeping you happy.

It’s easy for us to feel like we want to curl up in bed and cry hard but our friends are there to remind us that we are amazing people who deserve a huge ego boost. It’s also the time when girls become really honest and knowledgable. Every girl has been hurt, It gives you all a chance to inspire each other, whilst learning about each other. So grab the alcohol, popcorn, movie and spliff, have laughs and schedule to see each other once a week untill you’re fed up of their presence.

Step 3: You attracted him in the first place.

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Hey beautiful woman remember in the beginning stages of your relationship ? He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, the random surprises, the 6 hour phone conversations, the long cuddles at night. This was a called a mutual attraction between you both. There is nothing wrong about reminiscing they are your memories.

As such a respectable woman such as yourself I do not expect you to spend your time questioning whether he was truly attracted to you because that my dear is a BIG waste of your time!

You maybe in a predicament where you have gained an excessive amount of weight during the relationship and you’re questioning if that was the cause for him cheating. You must remember that a relationship is built on trust, communication, common interest and attraction of the mind, body and soul. Not purely on appearance, so give yourself a break girl!

Step 4: Do not research the other woman!

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The quickest way to hate her and feed your insecurities is to research information about her.

What she looks like, What she eats, What her nieces favourite food is, is truly none of your business. The other woman is not a reflection of what you lack. She is not a reflection of you! I know it is hard but try your best not to stalk her on social media websites. If you have met up with her in person to discuss what really happened. Please don’t meet up with her again, she is not your friend. MOVE ON THAT WILL DRIVE YOU CRAZY!!.

Step 5: Find a hobby

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Hobbies are not only fun but depending on what activity you do. It gives you the chance to meet new people, have a new perspective, learn something new  whilst gaining a skill.

You are going to need to express those intense, deep, dark thoughts and feelings that you possess. Spend time stimulating your mind. Chose something that you have been interested in for a while or chose an old hobby that is guaranteed fun and time-consuming.

To conclude

Accepting that he cheated on you based on his own insecurities will help you understand that not everyone man has the same insecurities. Which means not everyman will break your trust in the way he did. Also you will then understand what type of guy is suited to you. Your long pillow talks with your ex will be replaced by your crazy freaky friends and you will appreciate what real quality time is. Knowing that you were attracted before, during and after your relationship will give you the confidence that you never knew you had. Cutting off all ties included the other woman will lessen the pain by 50 percent. A majority of women spend hours a day stalking other women, crying and getting super depressed about this. Finally finding a hobby is an incredible way to kill time and focus on the things you love. It will be like getting to know yourself again. Who you are outside the relationship.

Wisdom Wednesday’s | Ep 9 |We’re all addicted to something that takes the pain away | Video|

The Wonita Christine Network on YouTube is a platform designed to encourage female empowerment and we would love to host other people on our channel.

Today’s Wisdom Wednesdays/ Wednesday’s Wisdom
Episode 8 | We’re all addicted to something that takes the pain away

Today’s Quote: We’re all addicted to something that takes the pain away

 

UK National Mental Health Telephone Helplines
Support Line || 020 8554 9004 ||

Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Centre ||    0808 802 9999 || Daily 12 – 2.30pm 7 – 9.30pm

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Muslim Youth Helpline || 0808 808 2008 || Mon – Fri 6pm – 12am Sat – Sun 12noon – 12am

B-eat Eating Disorder Association || 08456 341 414 || Mon-Fri 12 noon-5 or 8.30

National Self Harm Network || 0800 622 6000 || 7 – 11pm

Continue reading “Wisdom Wednesday’s | Ep 9 |We’re all addicted to something that takes the pain away | Video|”

Wisdom Wednesday’s | Ep 8 |We can Bear the hardship of today | Video|

The Wonita Christine Network on youtube is a platform designed to encourage female empowerment and we would love to host other people on our channel.

Today’s Wisdom Wednesdays/ Wednesday’s Wisdom
Episode 8 | Rose could’ve saved Jack? Titanic ?

Today’s Quote: If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear the hardship of today

Don’t let them disrespect you | 5 Steps to gain back your control|

Wonita Christine says: The opposite of respect is not disrespect. External factors such as religion, culture and sexual preference impacts a persons decision-making process. You may not respect a person’s life decisions but you can still remain polite, cordial and maintain a decent relationship. On the other hand disrespect is a form of violation and can affect your mental and physical state tremendously. Below I’ve managed to write down 5 ways to gain back your control. Don’t let them disrespect you

Step 1| Write your feelings down

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When we don’t know how to handle disrespect and lack self-respect it’s easy for us to forgive the perpetrator and hope that they never do it again. Although a majority of the time it does happen again. Our main focus should be our own emotions. Write down how you feel/felt in that moment.

Example: Tuesday 23rd May| Disrespect: Living with best friend, her dog pissed on the floor, the house smells of weed & dog,  I told her I had guests coming over in the evening, She didnt clean up and ate my food |Feelings: 

  • Livid
  • embarrassed
  • Shocked
  • Annoyed

Sometimes we are unable to process how we really feel because our feelings towards situations change. We try to move on and call it a day without acknowledging how much pain we endured.  Writing down your feelings benefits you in many different ways.

  1. Writing can be very therapeutic to some.
  2. Your clarifying whats in your mind and heart
  3. Clearer thinking
  4.  You have evidence to show people if needed especially in a professional environment.
  5. When you eventually confront the perpetrator you will need this to refer back to.
  6. Secure in your thoughts with no distraction of manipulators.

 

Step 2 Be consistent in your thoughts

There maybe aspects in people’s life that you don’t respect but that doesn’t give you the right to be disrespectful. It is crucial to be consistent in your thoughts, because a majority of the time the perpetrators are on a power trip and are waiting for you to slip up. They need a reason to dignify what they are doing. Don’t underestimate them they will make up lies, use humour to cover it up, they may even get people to join in (bullying).

(Note: In addition if you’re not consistent in your thoughts the perpetrator maybe getting mixed signals and can be oblivious to how they have disrespected you.)

Example

“I’m a woman with a sense of humor, im courageous and don’t conform to society norms. You have disrespected me by humiliating me in the work office just to boost your ego, you are disrespectful and I will not tolerate normal chit chat from you untill you publicly apologise”

 

Step 3| Set boundaries

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Setting boundaries is all about taking care of your precious heart. When being disrespected by family members, close friends and partners it can be soul crushing. Constant disrespect from family, close friends or partners are most likely to happen because they think you’re always going to be there. Setting boundaries are easy but unless you’ve been raised by a military family. Sticking to boundaries is very hard. As you grow and love yourself more you will not tolerate as much.  Boundaries need to be specific and clearly communicated!

Below are a few examples of setting boundaries

BoundaryI do not tolerate violence in a relationship. If you physically lash out on me. It means you need help and im not going  mentally corrupt myself trying to balance my own issues and yours.”

Disrespect: Lashes out and starts kicking you and punching you

Consequence: You will learn to value my body and the fact that you harmed it means you don’t value it as much as I do. You’re sleeping at your mums house for the week and your going to get help to control your issues or this relationship is over.

Boundary: Dear Bestie, I will baby sit on Thursday and Friday evening. Please do not put pressure on me to baby sit on any other week days as im really busy. xox

Disrespect: Best friend makes her feel guilty by expressing that she has no one to take care of her kids. Results in putting  pressure on her to baby sit on Mondays.

Consequence: I’m not going to baby sit anymore because your making me feel very uncomfortable and you don’t respect me. I wont be baby sitting until further notice.

Setting boundaries is crucial and you will be surprised by the amount of people who will  automatically accept your boundaries and not challenge you. The consequence is those who decided to challenge you by disrespecting you.

 

Step 4| Confrontation

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Disrespectful behaviour comes in many forms. If you are being bullied, a target of racism or a victim of sexual harassment then its pivotal that you report it to the police or call a help a line for professional advice.

The scariest moment you’ve been waiting for: The confrontation!  Most people are scared of confrontation but I think its healthy to have a conversation for the purpose of resolving an issue.  We should be open to confrontation because sometimes those who have a different belief system or different culture may not realise that they’re being disrespectful and by notifying them, they are now aware and things are resolved.

Confronting people who are disrespectful on purpose can be challenging because they are on a power trip and to them you are weak.

Heres some tips to help.

Your appearance

  • Be Confident
  • Don’t lose control of your feelings remember that’s why we wrote them down
  • Remain calm
  • Dont raise your voice

What to say ??

  • Set a time/date. Tell that its important conversation don’t tell them what it is about.
  • Meet in person or call on the phone. Don’t send text messages because it can be confusing to detect a persons tone of voice.
  • Discuss your boundaries to that particular incident.
  • Tell them how that they disrespected you (Being consistent in your thoughts)
  • Tell them how that made you feel. Refer back to your notes you’ve written down.
  • Never make threats only promises!

Remember your aim is not to get an apology from them, So don’t get caught up trying to persuade them to be sorry. That’s completely up to them. You dont need approval from them to confirm your feelings. Your aim is to let them understand that you have self-respect and will not be tolerating anymore disrespect.

Once you’ve stated your case and heard a positive response be thankful and then leave the conversation. Don’t start going back to happy in front of them straight away otherwise it will not impact them as much.

Sometimes confrontation doesn’t go as planned and if the perpetrator starts raising their voice or is extremely defensive and aggressive in tone. The best thing to do is leave the situation immediately. Once you’ve done this you need to reflect on how important this person is in your life and give them space. Sometimes silence is the best killer!

 

Step 5 |Respect yourself

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The four steps above are ways to gain back your control in a situation where you are feeling disrespected. There are different forms and level to disrespect. Gaining your control back should be gratifying to you and ultimately is making you become a better, stronger person. Actively gaining control in a situation is you on the path to gaining complete self respect. We are not perfect and some of us may not be able to follow all 5 steps but as long as you are trying one then that’s important.

 

 

Wisdom Wednesday’s| Ep 7 | Risk it all for your dreams!!

 

 

The Wonita Christine Network on youtube is a platform designed to encourage female empowerment and we would love to host other people on our channel.

Continue reading “Wisdom Wednesday’s| Ep 7 | Risk it all for your dreams!!”

Tragic Tuesdays: Why see the cup as half full ? Just throw the cup away!!!

When going through a tough time I’m sure your local “go to when life falls apart” person has advised you at least once in your advice-ship to see the cup as half full rather than half empty.  Well to all my readers who are fed up of seeing their situation as half full, I say throw away the cup, forget about optimism and find a new cup!.

When we go through dark situations in our life. The only way to not get sucked in and depressed is to think about the positive things that we do have in our life, which is to see the cup as half full which can be very comforting.

But how long are you willing to stay comfortable for ?

Eventually the optimism wears off and you’ll find yourself in an unsatisfying comfortable state.

If you’ve read my previous post get out more often|experience life  you would know that I was set to follow my dreams this summer.  I was incredibly excited for my future and in less 5 minutes my dreams where shattered. That’s right I applied for my tourist visa and at my interview the woman rejected me! Not because I was a criminal, not because I was an aggressive rude person, not because I was a threat to the united states of america, but because I didn’t have a job and I’m living with my mum.  Which “apparently” are signs that suggest I wanted to be an immigrant. ( I assumed this because she only asked me two questions and then I got a paper saying “you may have come across like an intended immigrant/ you applied for the wrong visa” ?!!!)  The funniest thing is I didn’t even get the chance to tell her that my 7 week visit was for an acting summer course.  I even moved back home from living independently for several years because I wanted to save my money because the drama school was really pricy and rent was killing my bank account! yet the judgemental b***h assumed my whole life and  was really mean to me :(.

To cut a very long story short. In that moment I had to see the cup as half full. I had to be positive and optimistic. I rang the  L.A summer school and they told me that they misinformed me and I was supposed to get an ESTA (3 month visa ). I re applied….To cut another long story short all the signs where telling me I shouldnt go abroad and I even got a new interview for my visa. Unfortunately it was 3 days before my course start date which was too risky. In that moment I decided to be brave and throw the cup away.  Not once did I ever consider that as giving up.

Yes I cried in private and I was extremely upset however the idea to of seeing the cup as half full was perfectic in this situation. In order for me to move on I had to acknowledge that my plan for America failed. Once I accepted that I had to move on.

Sometimes people convince their self that they have to be in a situation because their finances are low or they need the experience or they can’t find someone who’s going to treat them better. This cycle can go on for years and that is unhealthy. Some times we have to let go and start fresh.!

 

 

 

Wisdom Wednesday’s| Video | Toxic people

The Wonita Christine Network  on YouTube is a platform that encourages female empowerment.

Today’s Quote is from Ghandi “I will not  let you walk through my mind with your dirty feet”

Every Wednesday I will be uploading new content. Don’t forget to comment, like and subscribe 🙂

Please comment below on what you think! 🙂

 

Wisdom Wednesday’s| Video |

The Wonita Christine Network  on YouTube is a platform that encourages female empowerment.

Today’s Quote is from Richard Koch – “Conventional wisdom is not to put all of your eggs in one basket. 80/20 wisdom is to choose a basket carefully, load all your eggs into it, and then watch it like a hawk”

Every Wednesday I will be uploading new content. Don’t forget to comment, like and subscribe 🙂

Please comment below on what you think! 🙂