5 Steps to help you overcome your insecurities after being cheated on.

Wonita Christine says: Ladies it’s time to activate your inner goddess and let her shine through. I know your situation sucks but you will rise above it I promise.

For those who love to indulge in reality television our addiction to drama and fighting is somewhat disturbing. For those who don’t watch reality television, the typical scenario consists of a beautiful woman who gets cheated on by a dickface guy  with no morals that controls the relationship with his manipulative thinking and money. Us viewers start to sympathise with the beautiful  woman, untill she gets back together with him and fights the other woman. We laugh in an awkward shock whilst we tweet in disappointment. By the next season the man has a huge ego and a new woman on his arm and the cycle repeats. We honestly never think it will happen to us, untill it does.

I’ve decided to create 5 steps to help us overcome the rath of insecurity that we feel after a guy who we loved broke our trust, our heart and our relationship.

 

Step 1: BLAME HIM!!!

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Remember ladies it is all his fault.

There are many factors that may have led him to being unfaithful. Some reasons may include constant arguing,  a financial change, lack of intimacy, a loss of an emotional connection between you both. Regardless of the reasons, as a participant in your relationship it is his job to express what he feels is lacking in your relationship. He decided to take that step to actively entertain other women. So BLAME HIM!

Ladies you cannot keep blaming yourself. If your sister took money from your purse, even after you expressed that you don’t have enough money to give her. Would you start to blame yourself ? Would you question whether you’re a good sister or not ??  NO you wouldn’t, you would blame her and consequences would follow.

Many of you may think that you can’t compare the two but the principles are the same. The principles are trust, loyalty and respect. Once these are broken by the individual it is their fault.

Acknowledging that it’s not your fault will help you become a stronger person. Especially when he tries to manipulate you into thinking that it was the lack of sex in your relationship that forced him to pull out his small smelly dick out.

 

Step 2: Movie & Snacks Night with the girls!!

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You should never feel ashamed of getting your heart-broken. Unless you got married on national television, spending 10 million dollars on an extravagant wedding for your relationship to only last 72 days. *Sips Tea*  Dont feel discouraged by the fact that your friends warned you about his suspicious ways and you never believed them. I  promise you, a true friend will not say “I told you so” unless you get back together with him and he does it again and again and by that point your friends will be fed up of the constant emotional rollercoaster you keep dragging them on. At this point of your break up your friends are more concerned with  your well-being, mental state and keeping you happy.

It’s easy for us to feel like we want to curl up in bed and cry hard but our friends are there to remind us that we are amazing people who deserve a huge ego boost. It’s also the time when girls become really honest and knowledgable. Every girl has been hurt, It gives you all a chance to inspire each other, whilst learning about each other. So grab the alcohol, popcorn, movie and spliff, have laughs and schedule to see each other once a week untill you’re fed up of their presence.

Step 3: You attracted him in the first place.

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Hey beautiful woman remember in the beginning stages of your relationship ? He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you, the random surprises, the 6 hour phone conversations, the long cuddles at night. This was a called a mutual attraction between you both. There is nothing wrong about reminiscing they are your memories.

As such a respectable woman such as yourself I do not expect you to spend your time questioning whether he was truly attracted to you because that my dear is a BIG waste of your time!

You maybe in a predicament where you have gained an excessive amount of weight during the relationship and you’re questioning if that was the cause for him cheating. You must remember that a relationship is built on trust, communication, common interest and attraction of the mind, body and soul. Not purely on appearance, so give yourself a break girl!

Step 4: Do not research the other woman!

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The quickest way to hate her and feed your insecurities is to research information about her.

What she looks like, What she eats, What her nieces favourite food is, is truly none of your business. The other woman is not a reflection of what you lack. She is not a reflection of you! I know it is hard but try your best not to stalk her on social media websites. If you have met up with her in person to discuss what really happened. Please don’t meet up with her again, she is not your friend. MOVE ON THAT WILL DRIVE YOU CRAZY!!.

Step 5: Find a hobby

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Hobbies are not only fun but depending on what activity you do. It gives you the chance to meet new people, have a new perspective, learn something new  whilst gaining a skill.

You are going to need to express those intense, deep, dark thoughts and feelings that you possess. Spend time stimulating your mind. Chose something that you have been interested in for a while or chose an old hobby that is guaranteed fun and time-consuming.

To conclude

Accepting that he cheated on you based on his own insecurities will help you understand that not everyone man has the same insecurities. Which means not everyman will break your trust in the way he did. Also you will then understand what type of guy is suited to you. Your long pillow talks with your ex will be replaced by your crazy freaky friends and you will appreciate what real quality time is. Knowing that you were attracted before, during and after your relationship will give you the confidence that you never knew you had. Cutting off all ties included the other woman will lessen the pain by 50 percent. A majority of women spend hours a day stalking other women, crying and getting super depressed about this. Finally finding a hobby is an incredible way to kill time and focus on the things you love. It will be like getting to know yourself again. Who you are outside the relationship.

Are we judging Amber Rose, the feminist who went knickerless to promote her slut walk too much ??

Wonita Christine says: Being naked is a very empowering feeling to those of us who are proud of our bodies, flaws and all. Nudity is often used a tactic to bring attention to a cause. Public Figure Amber Rose recently posted a knickerless picture in order to bring awareness to her slut-walk and feminist views. Many people were confused outraged and basically called her a whore. Although I don’t agree with slut shaming. I do believe that her message was lost in this so-called “campaign”. Let me help you understand what feminism is and how to be a positive representative of the cause.

Continue reading “Are we judging Amber Rose, the feminist who went knickerless to promote her slut walk too much ??”

Kylie Jenner admits that she is struggling to keep up with her image || “I am keeping up this lifestyle but I can’t do it forever” ||

Kylie Jenner: “There’s an image that I feel constantly pressured to keep up with….. I am not totally innocent because I am keeping up this lifestyle but I can’t do it forever”

Wonita Christine says: Young girls are constantly being pressured to look perfect, Teenagers in 2010 where more concerned with lip gloss, clean eye brows and false lashes however 7 years later you can clearly see a drastic change in our youth. It’s very worrying to see our girls as young as 13 with a full face of make up.  According to girlguiding UK A third of 7 to 10 year-old girls believe that they are judged on their appearance and a quarter feel the need to be perfect.

There are many factors that influence the decision making process of why young girls feel the need to wear a full face of make up to school everyday and constantly keep up  appearances. Life as a teenager can be stressful especially when your funds are low, you’re going through puberty,  discovering your sexuality and ultimately discovering who you really are.  So why put that extra pressure on yourself of having to look amazing 24/7 ??

Lets focus on how and who is influencing them!

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Pop cultures most influential family the Kardashian-Jenner clan have influenced social media like no other! Their image is not focused on their education or talents but centered around their image; amazing fashion sense, immaculate make up, perfect hair and desirable bodies. Ultimately they are promoting their lifestyle as a brand and unfortunately a huge amount of people are convinced that the image they portray is 100% them.

Let’s not be fooled they pay a team of people to help them keep up their image: make up artist, hair stylist, clothes stylist, person trainers, nutritionists, plastic surgerns, baby sitters and personal assistants.

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This is not an attainable lifestyle for your average teenager in fact it’s not an attainable lifestyle for Kylie Jenner.

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On a recent promotional clip of Kylie,19 new spin-off Life of Kylie, the reality star says: “There’s two sides of me, there’s an image that I feel constantly pressured to keep up with and who I really am when i’m around my friends….. I am not totally innocent because I am keeping up this lifestyle but I can’t do it forever”

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It’s incredibly frustrating to hear that Kylie Jenner who has 94 million followers on instagram, feels pressure to keep up a persona that she created that is not authentically her. Imagine how the teenagers who are part of that 94 million followers, with less opportunity, less money, smart kids who are easy influenced feel.

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Whilst we can’t persuade Kylie to tell our youths of today “be yourself, don’t worry about your image too much, focus on being a strong woman with integrity, you dont have to waste money on $300 wigs, learn how to invest your money, double it and then buy your $300 wig.”

The focus should be kept on how the urge to be perfect impacts a teenagers self-esteem as they grow into young adults ?

According to an article based on self-esteem and teenagers on reachout.com

Good self-esteem helps teenagers try new things, take healthy risks and solve problems. It gives them a solid foundation for their learning and development and will set them up for a healthy and positive future. A young person with healthy self-esteem is more likely to display positive behavioural characteristics, such as:

  • acting independently
  • assuming responsibility
  • taking pride in their accomplishments
  • tolerating frustration
  • attempting new tasks and challenges
  • handling positive and negative emotions well
  • offering assistance to others.

Teenagers with low self-esteem will more than likely be having negative thoughts about their worth and value as a person. Some general signs that you or a person you know has low self-esteem include:

  • avoiding trying new things
  • feeling unloved and unwanted
  • showing emotional indifference
  • negative self-talk and comparisons to others
  • a persistent fear of failure or embarrassment
  • difficulty making friends
  • low levels of motivation and interest
  • being dismissive of compliments irregular feelings of anxiety or stress.

 

Remember that true beauty comes from our intentions, our intelligence and our kindness which leads to confidence that shines onto our appearance.  Make up is fun and also makes you feel amazing and confident at times but can also ruin your skin and make you look older. If you suffer from bad skin invest some money into great products. Surround yourself with genuine and good people that you get along with, accomplish your goals, have fun and in no time you’ll start to feel better. It’s called maturity 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t let them disrespect you | 5 Steps to gain back your control|

Wonita Christine says: The opposite of respect is not disrespect. External factors such as religion, culture and sexual preference impacts a persons decision-making process. You may not respect a person’s life decisions but you can still remain polite, cordial and maintain a decent relationship. On the other hand disrespect is a form of violation and can affect your mental and physical state tremendously. Below I’ve managed to write down 5 ways to gain back your control. Don’t let them disrespect you

Step 1| Write your feelings down

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When we don’t know how to handle disrespect and lack self-respect it’s easy for us to forgive the perpetrator and hope that they never do it again. Although a majority of the time it does happen again. Our main focus should be our own emotions. Write down how you feel/felt in that moment.

Example: Tuesday 23rd May| Disrespect: Living with best friend, her dog pissed on the floor, the house smells of weed & dog,  I told her I had guests coming over in the evening, She didnt clean up and ate my food |Feelings: 

  • Livid
  • embarrassed
  • Shocked
  • Annoyed

Sometimes we are unable to process how we really feel because our feelings towards situations change. We try to move on and call it a day without acknowledging how much pain we endured.  Writing down your feelings benefits you in many different ways.

  1. Writing can be very therapeutic to some.
  2. Your clarifying whats in your mind and heart
  3. Clearer thinking
  4.  You have evidence to show people if needed especially in a professional environment.
  5. When you eventually confront the perpetrator you will need this to refer back to.
  6. Secure in your thoughts with no distraction of manipulators.

 

Step 2 Be consistent in your thoughts

There maybe aspects in people’s life that you don’t respect but that doesn’t give you the right to be disrespectful. It is crucial to be consistent in your thoughts, because a majority of the time the perpetrators are on a power trip and are waiting for you to slip up. They need a reason to dignify what they are doing. Don’t underestimate them they will make up lies, use humour to cover it up, they may even get people to join in (bullying).

(Note: In addition if you’re not consistent in your thoughts the perpetrator maybe getting mixed signals and can be oblivious to how they have disrespected you.)

Example

“I’m a woman with a sense of humor, im courageous and don’t conform to society norms. You have disrespected me by humiliating me in the work office just to boost your ego, you are disrespectful and I will not tolerate normal chit chat from you untill you publicly apologise”

 

Step 3| Set boundaries

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Setting boundaries is all about taking care of your precious heart. When being disrespected by family members, close friends and partners it can be soul crushing. Constant disrespect from family, close friends or partners are most likely to happen because they think you’re always going to be there. Setting boundaries are easy but unless you’ve been raised by a military family. Sticking to boundaries is very hard. As you grow and love yourself more you will not tolerate as much.  Boundaries need to be specific and clearly communicated!

Below are a few examples of setting boundaries

BoundaryI do not tolerate violence in a relationship. If you physically lash out on me. It means you need help and im not going  mentally corrupt myself trying to balance my own issues and yours.”

Disrespect: Lashes out and starts kicking you and punching you

Consequence: You will learn to value my body and the fact that you harmed it means you don’t value it as much as I do. You’re sleeping at your mums house for the week and your going to get help to control your issues or this relationship is over.

Boundary: Dear Bestie, I will baby sit on Thursday and Friday evening. Please do not put pressure on me to baby sit on any other week days as im really busy. xox

Disrespect: Best friend makes her feel guilty by expressing that she has no one to take care of her kids. Results in putting  pressure on her to baby sit on Mondays.

Consequence: I’m not going to baby sit anymore because your making me feel very uncomfortable and you don’t respect me. I wont be baby sitting until further notice.

Setting boundaries is crucial and you will be surprised by the amount of people who will  automatically accept your boundaries and not challenge you. The consequence is those who decided to challenge you by disrespecting you.

 

Step 4| Confrontation

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Disrespectful behaviour comes in many forms. If you are being bullied, a target of racism or a victim of sexual harassment then its pivotal that you report it to the police or call a help a line for professional advice.

The scariest moment you’ve been waiting for: The confrontation!  Most people are scared of confrontation but I think its healthy to have a conversation for the purpose of resolving an issue.  We should be open to confrontation because sometimes those who have a different belief system or different culture may not realise that they’re being disrespectful and by notifying them, they are now aware and things are resolved.

Confronting people who are disrespectful on purpose can be challenging because they are on a power trip and to them you are weak.

Heres some tips to help.

Your appearance

  • Be Confident
  • Don’t lose control of your feelings remember that’s why we wrote them down
  • Remain calm
  • Dont raise your voice

What to say ??

  • Set a time/date. Tell that its important conversation don’t tell them what it is about.
  • Meet in person or call on the phone. Don’t send text messages because it can be confusing to detect a persons tone of voice.
  • Discuss your boundaries to that particular incident.
  • Tell them how that they disrespected you (Being consistent in your thoughts)
  • Tell them how that made you feel. Refer back to your notes you’ve written down.
  • Never make threats only promises!

Remember your aim is not to get an apology from them, So don’t get caught up trying to persuade them to be sorry. That’s completely up to them. You dont need approval from them to confirm your feelings. Your aim is to let them understand that you have self-respect and will not be tolerating anymore disrespect.

Once you’ve stated your case and heard a positive response be thankful and then leave the conversation. Don’t start going back to happy in front of them straight away otherwise it will not impact them as much.

Sometimes confrontation doesn’t go as planned and if the perpetrator starts raising their voice or is extremely defensive and aggressive in tone. The best thing to do is leave the situation immediately. Once you’ve done this you need to reflect on how important this person is in your life and give them space. Sometimes silence is the best killer!

 

Step 5 |Respect yourself

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The four steps above are ways to gain back your control in a situation where you are feeling disrespected. There are different forms and level to disrespect. Gaining your control back should be gratifying to you and ultimately is making you become a better, stronger person. Actively gaining control in a situation is you on the path to gaining complete self respect. We are not perfect and some of us may not be able to follow all 5 steps but as long as you are trying one then that’s important.

 

 

Tragic Tuesdays: Why see the cup as half full ? Just throw the cup away!!!

When going through a tough time I’m sure your local “go to when life falls apart” person has advised you at least once in your advice-ship to see the cup as half full rather than half empty.  Well to all my readers who are fed up of seeing their situation as half full, I say throw away the cup, forget about optimism and find a new cup!.

When we go through dark situations in our life. The only way to not get sucked in and depressed is to think about the positive things that we do have in our life, which is to see the cup as half full which can be very comforting.

But how long are you willing to stay comfortable for ?

Eventually the optimism wears off and you’ll find yourself in an unsatisfying comfortable state.

If you’ve read my previous post get out more often|experience life  you would know that I was set to follow my dreams this summer.  I was incredibly excited for my future and in less 5 minutes my dreams where shattered. That’s right I applied for my tourist visa and at my interview the woman rejected me! Not because I was a criminal, not because I was an aggressive rude person, not because I was a threat to the united states of america, but because I didn’t have a job and I’m living with my mum.  Which “apparently” are signs that suggest I wanted to be an immigrant. ( I assumed this because she only asked me two questions and then I got a paper saying “you may have come across like an intended immigrant/ you applied for the wrong visa” ?!!!)  The funniest thing is I didn’t even get the chance to tell her that my 7 week visit was for an acting summer course.  I even moved back home from living independently for several years because I wanted to save my money because the drama school was really pricy and rent was killing my bank account! yet the judgemental b***h assumed my whole life and  was really mean to me :(.

To cut a very long story short. In that moment I had to see the cup as half full. I had to be positive and optimistic. I rang the  L.A summer school and they told me that they misinformed me and I was supposed to get an ESTA (3 month visa ). I re applied….To cut another long story short all the signs where telling me I shouldnt go abroad and I even got a new interview for my visa. Unfortunately it was 3 days before my course start date which was too risky. In that moment I decided to be brave and throw the cup away.  Not once did I ever consider that as giving up.

Yes I cried in private and I was extremely upset however the idea to of seeing the cup as half full was perfectic in this situation. In order for me to move on I had to acknowledge that my plan for America failed. Once I accepted that I had to move on.

Sometimes people convince their self that they have to be in a situation because their finances are low or they need the experience or they can’t find someone who’s going to treat them better. This cycle can go on for years and that is unhealthy. Some times we have to let go and start fresh.!

 

 

 

Let’s focus on Self Improvement?

How often do we get into arguments with people we care about and never change ?

How often do we hide who we really are because others cannot handle the truth. ?

How many times do we say negative things that are on our minds that are not factual ?

Growing up as a shy only child who never wanted to be center of attention, unless it was for being praised about my performance. I often observed people and situations. I never spoke much but always listened and analysed body language. By doing that I was able to find friends that where compatible with me.  Another contributing factor as to why I’m good at reading situations, people and giving great advice was down to the relationship that I had with my father.  We had a great bond because we were open and honest with each other. Through his actions he taught me how to be supportive, how to have fun, how to have a conversation. Continue reading “Let’s focus on Self Improvement?”

Poem | When Love & History Combine

It’s Tragic Tuesdays and I hope you all enjoy this short less than a minute poem. Also please subscribe to my youtube channel. As there will be more uploads in the future! It’s also written below for those who prefer to read it.

Continue reading “Poem | When Love & History Combine”

“Recognise fear, say hello to it, become alive, feel the emotions and defeat it by not giving up. Be the best you can be because there is always someone worse off.”

I came across an article on the huffington post titled Diane Von Furstenburg shares her five lessons for women. I was really excited to read this because if you hadn’t noticed by now I love a good’ol inspirational read. Her 5 life mottos that got her through tough times were:

  • The most important relationship in life is the one you have with yourself
  • Fear is not an option
  • Focus on intention
  • If you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt
  • Wink at your image, smile at your shadow and enjoy the ride

I thought these were good life mottos untill I watched a clip of her saying that the only time she’s ever experienced real sexism was after the US election. Which made me think about how privileged her life may have been prior to the election. To be a former princess, who currently owns a global luxury brand, is the president of the council of fashion designers of America and was listed in 2014 the 68th most powerful women in the world by Forbes, has only experienced real sexism after an election??!! I don’t believe I can personally relate to her mottos that got her through her “tough times”. Continue reading ““Recognise fear, say hello to it, become alive, feel the emotions and defeat it by not giving up. Be the best you can be because there is always someone worse off.””

Stop bitching and start blogging!

Every girl is guilty of talking bad about one of her friends behind their back. Whether that be in a heated vent or a disappointing discussion, we all have done it. Although I did assume that once you reach a certain age it dies down but I was very wrong. Women have more things to bitch about as they get older. They bitch about  parenting skills, sexual desires, choices in relationships. Everything is up for discussion!

I have been in a situation where I met up with an old friend and all they did was talk negative about their friends.  In my head I just wanted to say stop bitching and start a blogging because…. Continue reading “Stop bitching and start blogging!”

Tragic Tuesdays: 5 reasons you will fail as an actor ?? huh

I just read this article Five Awful Things Nobody Tells You About Being an Actor.

  1. You aren’t building a real skill
  2. Most roles have nothing to do with Acting
  3. You will never be considered for roles that require acting
  4. Your faith will be exploited
  5. You wont make enough money to live on

Continue reading “Tragic Tuesdays: 5 reasons you will fail as an actor ?? huh”